quote:

Originally posted by puffin:
Miss Thelma, long time!! hope you and the kids are OK

Miss you Puffin honey! Me an the kids are just fine love. You come back and see me some time now ya hear!

NOOKIE GREEN

A man goes to confession and says,'Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green every week for the last month.'
The Priest tells the sinner, 'You are forgiven, go out and say three Hail Marys.'
Soon after, another man enters the confessional.
'Father, it has been two whole months since my last confession. I have had sex with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months.'
This time the Priest questions, 'Who is Nookie Green?'
'A new woman in town,' the sinner replies.
'Very well,' sighs the Priest. 'Go and say ten Hail Marys.'
At Mass the next morning, as the Priest prepares to deliver his sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the Priest! Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The Priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread apart and obviously not wearing any panties.
The Priest turns to the altar boy and whispers,
'Is that Nookie Green?'
The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies,
'No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes

ROTFL and crying!!!!!!!!! Oh,my!!!!!

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird (s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the Oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, shereached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs! Yet.............................................SHE'S BLONDE!

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?'

The operator said 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?' The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, 'Norma Findlay, Room 302.' The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.'

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, 'Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.'

The grandmother said, 'Thank you . That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.' The operator replied, 'You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?' The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me anything.'

GREETINGS TO ALL
,As most of you know, I do all of the cooking at my house. I know that all my friends know excellent cooks and probably have their favorite Recipes for the Thanksgiving Turkey but I thought you all might enjoy trying my favorite for a change for a pace this year. Thanksgiving is coming upon us very soon so here is a recipe also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing---Imagine That!!! When I found this recipe I thought it was poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. I hated dry meat. Give this a try.


You will need a 8-15 lb turkey, 1 cup melted butter, 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good), and salt and pepper to taste.


Perheat oven to 350 degrees brush turkey well with melted butter salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffy and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the turkey''s ass blow the oven door open and the bird f'lies across the room its done.

Best of Luck and Happy Holiday's

THELMA LOU giggles

Night Befo' Crizzmus

Wus da night befo' Crizzmus, and all thru da hood, everybody be sleepin'
and da sleepin' be good. We hunged up our stockins, an hoped like all heck, dat Obama gunna brang us
our govment checks.
All of da family, was lay'in on da flo', my sister wif her gurlfriend,
my brother wif some ho.

Ashtrays was all full , empty beer cans and all
when I heared such a fuss, I thunk...."Sh'eet, must be da law".

I pulled the sheet off da window and what I'ze could see, I was spectin'
the sherrif, wif a warrent fo' me.

But what did I see, made me say, "Lawd look a dat!"
Dere was a huge watermelon, pulled by eight big-ass rats.

Now ovah da years, Santy Claws he be white,
but it looks like us brotha's, got a black un' tonight.

Faster than a poe'lice car, my homeboy he came,
and whupped up on dem rats, as he called dem by name.

On Biden, On Jessie, On Pelosi and Hillary Who On Fannie, On Freddie, On
Ayers, and Slick Willy too.

Obama landed dat melon, right there in da street,
I knowed it fo' sho', - can you believe that Sheet?

Dat Santy didn't need no chimley, he picked da lock on my do', an I sez to
myself, "Son o' *****...he don did dis befo!"

He had a big bag, full of presents - at first I suspeck?
Wif "Air Jordans" and fake gold, to wear roun' my neck.

But he left me no presents, just started stealin my ****.
He got my guns and my crack, and my new burglers kit.

Den, wif my **** in his bag, out da windo' he flew,
I sho' woulda shanked him, but he snagged my blade too!

He jumped back on dat melon, wif out even a hitch, and waz gone in two
seconds, da democrat sonofa*****.

So nex year I be hopin', a white Santy we git,
'cause a black Santy Claws, just ain't worf a ****!

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree . . . .

LOL!!

quote:

Originally posted by Thelma Lou:
Night Befo' Crizzmus

You're brave, T.L.! I sure wouldn't have dared to post that one!

A new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force.What did they say if you came in late there?" "They said, "Good morning, General."

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Huston:

quote:

Originally posted by Thelma Lou:
Night Befo' Crizzmus

You're brave, T.L.! I sure wouldn't have dared to post that one!

giggles Bet you read it more than once Jim Huston! giggles

It's winter before we know it....




You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...



And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams... But, here it is..the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise... How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go?

I remember well.. seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like... But, here it is...my friends are retired and really getting gray...they move slower and I see an older person now. Lots are in better shape than me... but, I see the great change... Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant... but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory! Cause if I don't, on my own free will,...I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do the things I wish I had done but never did!!

At least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...when it's over...its over.


Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done ,,,,,things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime....

So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly!


Don't put things off too long!!

Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

There is no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life...so, live well for today, say all the things you want your loved ones to remember...hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things you have done for them in all the years past!!

"Life is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who follow after you... Make it a fantastic one."

LIVE IT WELL!


----ENJOY TODAY !!!!


-----DO SOMETHING FUN!!!


----BE HAPPY!!!----BE THANKFUL!!!!!

Sign Sign everywhere a sign
Blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind....


Over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
*************************************

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a Septic Tank Truck:
"We're #1 in the #2
business."
**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

**************************

Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want
tows."
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on
fire and take appropriate action."
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************

At an Optometrist's Office :
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************


On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss
a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you
coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your
payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in
and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago
Radiator Shop:
" Best place in town to take a leak."

Found on NewsVine:

The Medical community speaks out on the Financial Bail Out Package

The Allergists voted to scratch it, and the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve, and the Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted; the Pathologists yelled, 'Over my dead body!' while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, 'This puts a whole new face on the matter.'

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn't hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas; and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists left the decision up to some @!$%#s in Washington.