Important announcement:

Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Doesn't affect me. At my age, I am getting closer to the end of the tunnel so the light does not have to be as bright!!

Our Military and sensitivity training

Marine Corps Rules:

1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & di agonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10.Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours
11.Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12.In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13.If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.


Navy SEAL's Rules

1. Look very cool in sunglasses
2. Kill every living thing within view
3. Adjust Speedo
4. Check hair in mirror


US Army Rangers Rules

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving
2. Locate individuals requiring killing
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving



US Army Rules

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee
3. Curse bitterly
4. Curse bitterly
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed
6. Curse bitterly




US Air Force Rules

1. Have a cocktail
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner
3. See what's on HBO=
4. Ask What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation
6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption

(And I Love This Next One)

US Navy Rules

1. Go to Sea
2. Drink Coffee
3. Dep loy Marines

Go Navy !

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Just Me,

Football and the blond.....
Football finally makes sense....

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I realy liked it," she replied,"especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.

Dumbfounded, her date asked "What do you mean?"

"Well they flipped a coin, one team got it and then the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was "Get the quarterback! Get the quartback!" I'm like...Hellooooo? It's only 25 cents."

The Mama Test>>>> I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.>>
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her>> mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.>>>>
'Why?' my daughter asked.>>>>
'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know>> where it's been, it's dirty,>>>>
and probably has germs' I replied.>>>>
At this point, my daughter looked at me with>> totaladmiration and asked,>>>>
'Mama, how do you know all this stuff, you are>> so smart.'>>>>
I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this>> stuff. It's on the MamaTest.>>>>
You have to know it, or they don't let you be a>> Mama.'>>>>
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes,>> but she was evidently pondering>>>> this new information.>>>>
'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't>> pass the test you have to be the dad.>>>>
''Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my>> face.>>>>>>>>>>>>

When you're finished laughing, send this to a>> Mama.>>>>>>>>>>>>

sooo... what's the grandmama test?

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa's room.
"Grandpa, Grandpa," he says excitedly "As soon as grandma comes into the room, make a sound like frog."
"What" said his grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disneyland!"

Whether Democrat or Republican, you just might get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me the President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we can call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****."

DRUNK PUMPKIN

This is funny....

A little boy went to the dentist, who discovered he had a cavity that would have to be filled.
"Now young man," the dentist asked, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," the boy replied.

Source American Legion Mag.10-08

A man was feed up with his wife, so he packed up all his stuff and moved into the garage. Although the couple seldom spoke, he continuted to mow the lawn, take out the garbage and fix the cars, while she cooked meals, vacuumed and did the laundry.
Months later,the man met a friend for drinks,"Things don't seem to be going any better," his friende. "Why dont you move out?"
"Well, if you really want to know the truth," the man explained," she makes a darn good neighbor."


Soure American Leigon Mag 10-08

Once upon a time, in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were so many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10, and as the supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers stopped their effort.

The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, so people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey catching.

The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch one.

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.

While the man was away, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all the monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each, and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each."

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They never saw the man nor his assistant again, and once again there were monkeys everywhere.


Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.

A policeman stopped a motorist for driving down a one-way street. "Just where do you think you're going?" the policeman asked.
"I don't know, but I figure I must be late," the confused driver replied. "Everyone else is already coming back.

source American Legion Mag 10-08

Murphy's Laws of Combat

1. You are not Superman
2. If it's stupid but works, it's not stupid.
3. Don't look conspicuous. It draws fire. (That is why aircraft carriers are called "Bomb Magnets".
4. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
5. Never share a foxhole with someone braver than you are.
6. Never forget that your weapon was built by the lowest bidder.
7. If your attack is going well, it's an ambush.
8. No plan survives the first contact intact.
9. All five second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
10. Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo.
11. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall short.
12. The important things are always simple.
13. The simple things are always hard.
14. The easy way is always mined.
15. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
16. If you are short of everything but enemy, you are in combat.
17. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
18. Incoming fire has the right of way.
19. Friendly fire isn't.
20. If the enemy is in range, so are you!
21. No combat ready unit has every passed inspection.
22. Beer math is: two beers times 37 men = 49 cases of beer.
23. Body count math is: two guerillas plus one portable plus two pigs= 37 enemy killed in action.
24. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
25. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support desperately.
26. Anything can get you shot - including doing nothing.
27. Tracers work both ways.
28. The only thing more accurate than incoming fire is incoming friendly fire.
29. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
30.If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
31. When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
32. Professional soldiers are predictable, but the worlds is full of amateurs.
33. Murphy was a grunt.

Hello Operator

Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through, can you help?"
Operator: Where did you get the number, sir?
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."