Pet Rules

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - their nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this.. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is
not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline
attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it 'furniture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are adopted children who are short,
hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

01. Eat less
02. Don't ask for money all the time
03. Are easier to train
04. Normally come when called
05. Never ask to drive the car
06. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 07. Don't smoke or drink 08.
Don't have to buy the latest fashions 09. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children

Silly pet owner.... dogs and cats can't read!!!

quote:

Originally posted by muppet:
Silly pet owner.... dogs and cats can't read!!!

A bear telling us dogs can`t read?LOL

That was a funny post Attala thx.

Cats can take you or leave you, although at times they do come jump up with you purring to mean they are wanting some loving and attention. Then when hey've gotten enough, it's haughitly off and gone again. They don't happily wag their tail and slurp you to death when you return home, though.

A dog loves you more than it loves itself, won't "join the crowd" and also turn its back on you when everybody else does. It won't make fun of you and reject you if you're ugly, old, misshapen or not fashionably dressed, not wealthy or prestigous.

You can get mad as hell at a dog and scold it severely for chewing up you favorite slippers--then remember it did after it's 20 years gone, cry because you scolded it badly over such a minor thing it did while giving you so many years of love, loyalty and companionship.

Somebody said, I don't know whom and to this efect: I have a dog. The more is see of people, the more I love my dog than them.

Well done, WH.