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Old Pro
Picture of olderchick40
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Tucked in and sharing some jokes, again! Cool

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER (OR NOW )

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:

1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't
have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend . . . . .

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed
up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky
dunk."

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press "Ctrl-Alt-Delete" and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't
fallen asleep yet.

My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

But Most Of All, Remember !

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable,
And Always Close To Your Heart
 
Posts: 2046 | Location: West of Mankato | Registered: December 24, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
m58
Old Pro
Picture of m58
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To paraphrase a comedian I saw on Family Net a few years ago: For my weight loss program I quit using a scale. I just stand naked in front of a mirror, slam my foot to the floor, and wait for everything to quit jiggling. So far I'm down to three days, ten hours and fifteen minutes.
 
Posts: 2759 | Location: Windom | Registered: December 19, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Educated
Picture of Scratchy Evans IV
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I thought I'd slide this little bit of weather history into the collective minds of one and all. As reported from sources at Scratchy Inc., the fallacy of winters not occuring in these parts has been shreaded.

We have broken a 40 year old record of consecutive days below freezing in February and established the first recorded 12" snowfalls in Minneapolis in the month dating back a hundred years.

Now we have just had the second highest back-back snow storms in over a hundred years and I found this in the archives:

Early Winter Signature - October 3, 1999

A new Minnesota weather record occurred over the weekend. Sunday morning, October 3rd, Embarrass reported a low of 9 degrees F (perpetual rival Tower, MN reported 14 degrees F). This is the earliest ever in the fall for a single digit low temperature in the state of Minnesota, beating the old record held by Roseau, MN on October 10, 1932 when it dropped to 8 degrees F.

My thanks to Mark Seeley, Professor and Extension Climatologist Department of Soil, Water, and Climate, University of Minnesota for this and say to all of your freshly snowed in winter enthusiasts.....

Tell Paul Douglas that winters are back and harsher than ever.
 
Posts: 503 | Location: I've had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children... | Registered: January 28, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Old Pro
Picture of wildchild
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quote:
Originally posted by george sitts:
I believe you will find Petco, when it opens, located in the strip mall which currently houses Famous Footwear, TJ Maxx and others.

I believe it is located at the end of that mall next to Pier One.


True, Petco opened a couple days ago.

I see sold signs were recently put up driectly behind Menards and ar the corner of Bassett & HWY 22, in front of Kohl's. The lot behind Menards appears to have been staked out already. Anyone know what's going in either of these spots?
 
Posts: 1759 | Location: 742 Evergreen Terrace | Registered: May 25, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Old Pro
Picture of wildchild
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quote:
Originally posted by Scratchy Evans IV:
Paul Douglas


The goof on the roof.
 
Posts: 1759 | Location: 742 Evergreen Terrace | Registered: May 25, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Free Time
Picture of mamabear229
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quote:
Originally posted by wildchild:
quote:
Originally posted by george sitts:
I believe you will find Petco, when it opens, located in the strip mall which currently houses Famous Footwear, TJ Maxx and others.

I believe it is located at the end of that mall next to Pier One.


True, Petco opened a couple days ago.

I see sold signs were recently put up driectly behind Menards and ar the corner of Bassett & HWY 22, in front of Kohl's. The lot behind Menards appears to have been staked out already. Anyone know what's going in either of these spots?


True: Petco is next to PierOne. Rumor: I've heard that the two spots around Kohl's will be Lowe's and the new movieplex. Haven't heard about behind Menard's -- maybe more houses that all look exactly alike just as they are a little bit further down?!? Roll Eyes
 
Posts: 257 | Location: North Mankato | Registered: February 02, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Old Pro
Picture of olderchick40
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Here is something that "pops" up in my e-mail every once in a while:

quote:
WD-40 Well, Who Knew...?


I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed! WD-40 who knew?

Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a "water displacement" compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts.

Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.

When you read the "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... Voila! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.





Here are some of the uses:

1) Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making it slippery.
5) Keeps flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7) Removes lipstick stains.
8) Loosens stubborn zippers.
9) Untangles jewelry chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes
18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20) Gives a children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21) Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and clean s roof racks on vehicles.
27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain.
37) Florida's favorite use is: "cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers."
38) The favorite use in the state of New York WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no & nbsp; time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states.
40) Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag.
42) Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start.
P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.



P. P. S. I keep a can of WD-40 in my kitchen cabinet over the stove. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.



I haven't tried any of the above, except #17(it works) let me know if any, or al of the others work. Wink
 
Posts: 2046 | Location: West of Mankato | Registered: December 24, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Old Pro
Picture of wildchild
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quote:
Originally posted by mamabear229:
True: Petco is next to PierOne. Rumor: I've heard that the two spots around Kohl's will be Lowe's and the new movieplex. Haven't heard about behind Menard's -- maybe more houses that all look exactly alike just as they are a little bit further down?!? Roll Eyes



Lowe's was confirmed in the paper a couple weeks ago and the movieplex deal fell through Frowner

I was wondering about the smaller lot, right on the corner, below the Kohl's sign. It said pending a couple months ago, now says sold. I'm sure it will be another fast food joint Roll Eyes .

More cookie cutter houses... Big Grin Wink
 
Posts: 1759 | Location: 742 Evergreen Terrace | Registered: May 25, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Free Time
Picture of mamabear229
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quote:
Originally posted by wildchild:
Lowe's was confirmed in the paper a couple weeks ago and the movieplex deal fell through Frowner


I know that the manager of one of the current movieplexes (he's a regular customer at my employer) was not happy about the idea of more competition moving in... I'm sure he's happy now!

And just how do people find their houses when they live in neighborhoods like that Confused ... it's even worse than the "Taupeville" up on Cardinal Drive! (Right, Mike? Wink)
 
Posts: 257 | Location: North Mankato | Registered: February 02, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Educated
Picture of Fishing_guy
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quote:
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).

But watch out for the sea gulls!

(P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.)

Wink
 
Posts: 541 | Location: Twin Cities MN | Registered: October 10, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Free Time
Picture of mamabear229
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quote:
Originally posted by Fishing_guy:
quote:
34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell).

But watch out for the sea gulls!

(P. S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL.)

Wink

That reminds me of one of Papabear's and my favorite things to do in Duluth -- there's a fast food restaurant (the arches kind) about a block off the lake. They have balcony with tables. No one is ever sitting out there, but on nice days if you sit near the window you can watch people who have never encountered seagulls sit out there. Usually they don't even get their burgers unwrapped before dozens of the birds attack their fries Big Grin! You can observe similar events down by the lighthouse. There's a snack shack that sells popcorn and inevitably some greenhorn decides to share with the one, cute little seagull walking along the grass.
 
Posts: 257 | Location: North Mankato | Registered: February 02, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Educated
Picture of Fishing_guy
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Yep. Sometimes we throw the dead minnows off the back of the boat. It is truely amazing how quickly the 1 bird in sight becomes a dozen. And they never miss any of the minnows. They keep circling until they get them all.
 
Posts: 541 | Location: Twin Cities MN | Registered: October 10, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Regular
Picture of Papabear229
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It didn't seem to do much for the cooked on grease spots on the stove....but I haven't seen any pigeons in the kitchen all day. Wink
 
Posts: 153 | Location: North Mankato | Registered: October 08, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Member
Picture of Sasafrass
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quote:
Originally posted by mamabear229:
I know that the manager of one of the current movieplexes (he's a regular customer at my employer) was not happy about the idea of more competition moving in... I'm sure he's happy now!


I'm sure that is true. I have taken in more movies than usual as of late but I am becoming increasingly ill at the idea of parting with $7.50 for some pretty mundane films than filling my gullet with semi-warm $6.00 popcorn and washing it down with a $4.00 3 part ice/ 1 part pop drink. Add to this the lovely bride's "bill" on those nights we get out and we just spent $35.00 on about $10 worth of entertainment.

Mortgage the house if you want to take the family to dinner and a movie.

I welcome the competition and if people think it doesn't matter, just look at what Charter is offering now that Hicorytech is coming out with television capabilities.

Viva Le Competition
Viva Le Horrible Movies
Viva Le Sasafrass....for he has spoken

ps - if you like watching Sea Gulls attack, put on a yellow rain suit w/hood sometime when the Hummingbirds are around and watch them treat you like a big Pinata.
 
Posts: 60 | Location: The old mill patch | Registered: February 02, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Free Time
Picture of mamabear229
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quote:
Originally posted by Sasafrass:
ps - if you like watching Sea Gulls attack, put on a yellow rain suit w/hood sometime when the Hummingbirds are around and watch them treat you like a big Pinata.


Yeah, but hummingbird poop is a lot smaller than seagull poop -- AND you're wearing a rain suit!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mamabear229,
 
Posts: 257 | Location: North Mankato | Registered: February 02, 2006Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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